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So I'm going to take this excerpt to officially congratulate John and Amy on their nuptials. I'm sure it was a very nice ceremony with lots of Riverdancing, whiskey, swearing and trivia. Or was that last night....Quizzo action after the jump

I only have basic cable, so I've been watching the Olympics with a ravenous intensity I usually only reserve for misanthropy and alcohol, but around the time that I was watching Men's Synchronized Diving I had to ask myself what I had come to and went out...and performed strange, homoerotic tandem dives with a friend all night. Quizzo business after the jump.

Q. What do you do when you go to a heavy metal concert?

A. Party

In celebration of J.K Rowling's birthday, I'm going to spend the entire blog writing fan fiction about Harry Potter and his gang of friends! Maybe Hagrid will come a-lumbering out to greet Hermione and Ron as they run up the stairs of Hogwarts in their fun Gryffindor robes, warning of the possibility that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is on the way! Awesome fan fiction after the jump!!11!!

Thank you for being a friend

Traveled down the road and back again

Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you threw a party

Invited everyone you ever knew

You would see the biggest gift would be from me

And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend

The Dark Knight opens this weekend and it's supposed to be 2-cold-showers-a-day hot. This is bad news. It's shaping up the be the perfect storm of sweaty comic-book nerds, disrespectful movie talkers and every other Bruce, Wayne and...whoever showing up. But, if you watched that trailer, can you really resist the allure? I'm packing up a tent and hibachi. See you in the front of the Franklin Institute.

After the jump, Jesse Jackson and Barack Obama in the fight of lifetime. One will walk away with the other's balls in glorious victory and the loser will shamefully weep over his castration and humiliation!!

Way to support the first black man to get the Democratic nod and may be the next president, Rainbow Jackson.

If you think the title may be a littler hyperbolic or even a contain a little bit of hubris, click through and prepare to be BLOWN AWAY!!11!!

For all you folks who have never worked at a restaurant or don't know common expressions, when you "86" something, it means that it's off the menu, out of stock, gone, no more and out the back door. The Chernobyl nuclear disaster also happened in 1986, so when the tie-breaker question came up at last night's Pub Quiz about the year that the meltdown went down, someone mentioned that it "86'd Chernobyl." I just thought that explaining the joke here might have been funny...Apparently not so much. But the acknowledgment of the bad joke and subsequent creation of a new self-deprecating joke is funny enough. Quizzo action after the jump!!!

And every so often, there are moments which call on that fundamental goodness to make this country great again. So it was for that band of patriots who declared in a Philadelphia hall the formation of a more perfect union; and for all those who gave on the fields of Gettysburg and Antietam their last full measure of devotion to save that same union. So it was for the Greatest Generation that conquered fear itself, and liberated a continent from tyranny, and made this country home to untold opportunity and prosperity. So it was for the workers who stood out on the picket lines; the women who shattered glass ceilings; the children who braved a Selma bridge for freedom's cause. So it has been for every generation that faced down the greatest challenges and the most improbable odds to leave their children a world that's better, and kinder and more just. And so it must be for us. - Barack Obama

Celebratory Quizzo action after the jump...

"Chameleon inflated Saturday before examples of living trusts prized treasures spearmen"

That was the final line of a spam message left for the blog. I would LOVE to know what market they are looking to target. Maybe it's just the combination of the keywords "Chameleon" and "spearmen" but I am definitely imagining Sleestaks.
Stuff about last night after the jump...

Last night went from a Quizzo induced delerium to a bourbon fueled nightmare faster than you can slur "another round" so if my langauge is a little rough today, you can go and die in a fire.

; ) but seriously, >: O

Well, Israel is 60 and since I already sent my birthday gift over, I think it's about time everyone else did the same. I'm looking in your direction Palestine...

She can't win based on the amount of votes allowed, her campaign is hemorrhaging funds and yet still she doesn't just stop. I'm seriously expecting her to, after Obama gets the nomination, come out of a closet (literally, not figuratively) all bloodied and limping for one last chance to get him, but Michelle Obama's going to see her first and shoot her over Barack's shoulder. Then the campaign will be over...Believe it or not, Quizzo content following.

May Day can either be a celebration of International Workers’ Day or it can be a cross-quarter day in which we celebrate the beginning of summer. I personally like the idea of a Bacchanalian romp in the woods complete with animal sacrifice, orgies, wine and shanks of meat, so on this May Day, I say we forget about our jobs, retire to Fairmount Park and throw a good old fashioned orgy. Who’s with me!?!