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The evening at National Mechanics started out like many others. Glasses clinked as forks, dishes and friendly chatter created the age old sound that pubs produce. But soon the drinks were downed, food was finished, and competition began to tighten its grip on the crowd. 8:00 turned into 8:30 and Irish John, the ringmaster with a mouth that would make a sailor blush, passed out the Quizzo sheets and explained the rules and prizes.

“1st place gets a $40 gift certificate to this fine establishment and 2nd place gets $20. This is a written game so keep your fucking mouths shut! Cell phones and Blackberries and iPhones aren’t allowed, so leave ‘em off!”

The battle began.

The first round was solidly played by most teams but the race to the top was taken by Everyday Math with a doubled score of 25. Pretty impressive, but their joker was spent and since Excuse Me Are Those My Shoes and Wallet Under Your Chair and MoMa had secured solid seconds and Still Waiting For My Friends , The Team That Will Probably Not Win and The Lee Peters Project were only a point behind them; the fight wasn’t over yet, especially with the rest of the teams within a few points of one another.

The second round proved to be the hardest and tightest of the game. Teams were entrenched and fighting hand to hand, clawing through the mud and blood, stabbing answers onto columns like bayonets into soft human flesh. Drinks were ordered and troops shelled; bombs exploded sending human debris hurtling into the darkest corners of state capitols and movie trivia. Throughout the gory mayhem and questions about French auto-manufacturers and Césars, Irish John commanded control of this circus of trivia with a sharp tongue and an iron fist. Then, as if guided by the gods, Lipshitz, Autobot’s Groupies and PBGP came out from under the weight of low first round scores bloody knuckled and breathing hard to secure their place among the leaders while other teams like The Lee Peters Project and MoMa shouldered heavy blows. The splendor of a victorious outcome was still anyone’s to hold. The third, and final, act was about to be played.

The final round was a mad dash toward gloating rites and glory. Whole teams had been left as bloody heaps of crow’s food, torn asunder and and chewed up like the burgers and nachos that boldly went before them, but no team had secured victory and even the highest scorers had open wounds. Irish John showed no mercy. Questions ranged from Garfield’s favorite dish to what a myriad is to what organ holds bile as teams slashed Achilles heels, dug in their nails and buried their friends in a fiendish dash toward the $40 or $20 bar tabs.

In the end, the victors stood atop the mountain of corpses and surveyed the grisly scene, blood and sweat dripping from their fingertips, eager to behold the glorious spoils of victory. Everyday Math edged out The Horse You Rode In On by a mere point. Every team save 3 was within 10 points, but alas, almost doesn’t count in this game of games and the Irish John bestowed upon the winners their just deserts. It was a fierce battle that was well fought by all teams and although this battle went to Everyday Math, the war is still being waged and next Wednesday’s event should prove no less harrowing. I hope to see you there, and for your sake, bring your wits and fists; it’s going to be a bloody battle.